I’m the single mom of a teenager. The idea of having another person around all the time just isn’t very appealing. I’ve heard everything: that I’m wasting my best years, that I’m doing dating wrong, that I’m not being fair by giving decent, interested guys a chance. This is a big indictment on men, since they’re the initiators, but many single women also lack skill in encouraging and responding to godly masculinity when they see it. I like eating whatever I want to eat, even if that means ice cream for dinner. You trust yourself to be the only constant in your life, the only one you can count on and you become egocentric and unmindful. ?”, Tall? I want to be able to have weekends where I’m not doing anything. If the house is a mess I know I’m the one who did it, and if my bank account is empty I have only myself to blame. I find most people really draining, and need a lot of recovery time after being around people. I can go out with my girlfriends, I can flirt and dance with the boys and have no guilt. I’ve been described as easy to be around, clever, and down-to-earth. I’m not going to have more children. I’m getting better at accepting help, but asking for help or talking about my feelings are learned behaviors for me. “The pros of not being in a relationship outweigh the cons of not being in one. I don’t have to answer to anyone and don’t have to explain myself to anyone. What’s in it for men? Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. When dating someone, after some time I will start to pick out their flaws and then my brain inflates my perception of the flaws to the point of me being so irritated by it that I don’t even want to be around said person anymore. Some people spend years looking for a partner, but others simply choose not to date — at all. “Because, why not? “I want control over my own life and money. Men are meant to be initiators. Having and raising children together is a reason many people want a significant other in the first place. Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. I don’t get bored and I don’t lack ways to spend my time. Self-development allows you to build character and strengthen your weaknesses, which actually can make you a better partner down the road, should you choose to get into another relationship. I suspect it would be too much for a lot of people. I Shall Not Want, Audrey Assad. And I’ve learnt to hide my heavy-heartedness and dismay. For what I have seen, in relationships people tend to lose their essence becoming someone dependent. You just want to curl up in bed and be lost to your whimsical thoughts. I would rephrase it slightly, though. The protesting party in this anti-marriage sit-in are usually the men, and I can certainly attest to that with my own dating experience.”, “I’m taking a little offense that something might be wrong with me. But I also recognize that I’m more comfortable being single than most people are. Sometimes you make a confidant in your head. Too. Single people might see relationships as overrated, and don’t want to put in the work required only to have things end later on down the road. I want to be able to spend days and night working on my blog. I’m not criticizing people who really need to have a significant other in order to feel happy and fulfilled. Especially since I’m almost exclusively interested in other introverts, who are also not all that inclined to go out to parties and socialize in groups. Print. You stop looking for intimacy or attachment. Even as a young child, I was unusually self-sufficient. Fam, I was ready to dive right in. Relationships don’t always equate to happiness, anyway, and that is evidenced by the high divorce rate nowadays. Choosing Singleness: Waiting on Him. ( Log Out /  Standard. Finding someone with all those qualities who I also find attractive, and who would want to be in a relationship with me, not so easy. You ignore the warmth you feel when a friend appreciates you for you. Not in my case. http://nicolas.gueguen.free.fr/Articles/SBP2008.pdf. You would rather enjoy the peace of solitude and savor the amity of the quiet. Sings? But boy, do people hate that. To be or to not be sucked into that incalculable spiral. It’s a choice you’re most content with because you know you would never do wrong by yourself.”. For reasons outlined in my previous post, His answer was still ‘No.’. I learned something in my last relationship that I cannot depend on my partner to make me happy, it doesn’t work that way. This is a big one for me. I want to be able to get up and go without thinking about anyone else. This year, God has been steering me clear of potentially bad relationships. With premarital sex not only having become commonplace but even expected, why buy the cow when you can get a gallon of 2% for free by the second or third date? For some people, common sense is a sufficient guide. This year, God has been steering me clear of potentially bad relationships. I have projects and passions and books to read and movies to watch and art to make and new recipes to try. Learn about us. Men who don’t have children are seldom understanding of how much time and energy is involved in parenting. For others like myself, optimism – or worse, desperation – is the lens through which potential suitors are viewed. I WANT TO DEDICATE TIME TO MY FUTURE. I hadn’t realized that I was more like Paul than I imagined. These are their stories. I can live by my own standards and don’t need to accommodate someone else. You make ’em like this? Change ). […] you gave up hope, decided you’re going to stay single, but then another one came walking into your life and the same thing happened all over again. The biggest reason why I stay that way is because I have a daughter and putting a stepfather in her life scares the crap outta me, but mostly I enjoy living my own life my way. Choosing Singleness How I Survive Father’s Day as a Single Mom. And we may miss all the other persons – our family, friends, co-workers – who in their own ways help support us the way Eve did Adam, and Adam did Eve. When I finish high school for good then maybe that’s when I’ll start dating again. For some people, common sense is a sufficient guide. Additionally, because I’m a single parent, I expend a lot of energy just taking care of him, and don’t really have the space or energy for anyone else. For 33 years, he served as pastor of Bethlehem Baptist Church, Minneapolis, Minnesota. According to the article, marriage rates are way down in England and America—the lowest since 1895. John Piper @JohnPiper. I just don’t have the energy to go out and meet new people often. I don’t need to be in a relationship. That was one time too many. All that holds true for women as well — we’re confused, Christian women are extra confused and many of us are perfectly happy (or see no alternative) to lead in a relationship rather than encourage men to do what they’re meant to do. “This is a big indictment on men, since they’re the initiators” — ARE men the initiators? These are all things that I’ve learned to manage, but they do require a lot of adjustments from anyone who wants to be an important part of my life. Cause that’s what matters most to me right now. ( Log Out /  It’s a choice you make every day. Cue the Law and Order scene music. A lot of the time, they seem to be looking for a partner who is like what they wanted when they were in their 20s and got married the first time. Handsome? Many of them are making or have made practical life choices that have resulted in or contributed to prolonged singleness, but I don’t think many, if any, of them set out at age 20 to postpone marriage indefinitely. Stay single, live a stress-free and drama-free life.”. Your body hurts and your heart aches for the loss of your innocent childhood. Learn more about working with Thought Catalog. I’m saying that a lot of men are confused, and a lot of Christian men are extra confused, and some of them are perfectly happy to sit around consuming titillation from their female friends and their internet connections rather than doing the hard thing they’re meant to do. It’s hard to find people who are compatible with me. I didn’t need to ask Jesus nothin’. That being said, I am still open to dating and will not rule anything out, because life is weird and wonderful.”. Most people would probably describe me as likable. Most of my friends think it’s not only weird, it’s folly to wait until engagement or marriage to have sex. ( Log Out /  “I FEEL HAPPIER BEING SINGLE. We were part of the same small group and saw each other around school so I got to know him over time. So I asked Him, and I got my answer: ‘No.’, The first time I saw Number Three I thought, “Dang, God. Once upon a time, before the world became confusing, we didn’t need scientists to tell us these things. I’m tired. I liked him and we’d been friends long enough for me to know both his nice and annoying bits. Change ), In my last post, I talked about three guys in particular, Conviction: When it Fades… – While I Wasn't Studying…, Social Distancing: a Day in the Life of a Healthcare Worker, Follow While I Wasn't Studying… on WordPress.com. I want to work on improving myself, and being happy with myself. It’s also a pretty serious indictment on our parents’ generation, unfortunately. Check. Conviction: Choosing Singleness. I don’t like the idea of giving someone that much control over me. We had enough in common – music, movies, food, Jesus – and he was such a young soul, that the years sort of melted away. I honestly, don’t have room in my life for ONE more thing that requires work and tending. We were made for relationship with God AND people, who complement us – not complete us.

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